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the path of the tiger

(Thang Suea, 1989)


Sila Komchai


By the same author :

Blood buds
A traffic-wise couple
 

 

Translated by Phongdeit Jiangphatthana-kit and Marcel Barang

 
Go to chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - Postscript

 

 

preface

 

 

When I finished writing this book, I felt relieved. On the one hand, it seemed that my thoughts were no longer tied down; on the other, some problems in my life began to re­cede, even though they were not neces­sarily solved. Maybe this is because these days, when I start writing, I feel the need to talk to others about some topics I have in­vesti­gated on my own, to determine whether my analyses are correct.

A dear friend of mine, a professional writer whose talent is widely recognized, once sug­gested that, given our age and ex­perience, we should set our­selves the lofty aim of address­ing the world. For such an insignificant person as myself, to do so would be highly conceited indeed, yet I have genuine re­spect both for my friend and for his suggestion, and I wish that some­one will act on it.

The problems I mentioned above are of a per­sonal nature and common to all ordinary people – being greedy and selfish, refusing to ac­knowledge one’s own mistakes and blaming them on others instead, shirking responsibili­ties, complaining about trifles, refusing to face the truth and shying away from confrontation.

Another important factor that inspired me to write this book is that I spent several years of my life trekking from the South to the Northeast and then to the North, wad­ing through countless jungles, moun­tains and wa­terways, and this is still vivid in my mind. Today, time and a technology-ori­ented urban society are increasingly com­pelling me to let go of these memories. The “love” the wild jungle inspired in me is fast receding. The fear that, before long, all this would disappear from my memory has prompt­ed me to put pen to paper.

As I have said, this is only a story I would like to discuss with others. Some may disagree, both about the thoughts ex­pressed and about the way they are expressed. This is their right, which I must accept and re­spect in every way.

In friendship,

 

Sila Komchai

Sai Mai, April 1989

 

 

To Too and Jaem, my life companions

 

 

 

 

1. towards the jungle curtain Δ

 

 

The torrential rain which had been pouring before daybreak as if the heav­ens were leaking had abated and then stopped, but the dawn sky was still over­cast. Raindrops clung to the branches of the Siamese sin­dora tree and tapped on the leaves of the papaya trees by the brook. Branches and twigs stirred in the universal silence as if the tension from above wasn’t over yet.

The young man sitting with his legs stretched across the threshold of the bam­boo hut leaned out to look beyond the eaves at the sky above the brook. He carefully wiped the butt of his muzzle-loading rifle with a loincloth. A touch of unease briefly blurred the hope in his eyes. All the things he needed were laid out around him. The ri­fle was already loaded with saltpetre and pellets, so he prepared himself to go out. He took the horn of saltpetre, the tin box con­taining pellets and buckshot, and the dry bamboo-­fibre tow, and put them one at a time in his haversack as if he were inspecting and counting them.

“It’s going to rain again… Hurry back home be­fore you catch cold,” the young woman who was cooking on the veranda shouted out at him. She got up and came to him, put some rice tightly wrapped in banana leaf in his haversack and craned her neck to look through the doorframe at the little boy and girl who slept huddled un­der a tired blan­ket spread out sideways in a corner of the room.

“It’s so cold with all this rain! You sure the caps didn’t get wet?” the young woman asked, stroking her arms and looking at the gun. This made him hesi­tate. He lifted the zinc breech to exam­ine the trigger, and after a while flipped it shut and placed the gun down flat on the floor. He took the tin box out of the haversack and in­spected the caps. The flakes of red paper were streaked with rows of black blobs the size of match heads. He put them out to dry by the fire, just to make sure.

“Take good care of the kids, with all this rain…” His voice was deep and soft. He ad­justed his haver­sack and grabbed his rifle, ready to start on his journey.

“If I’m late tonight, wait for…” He checked himself in time. Hunters have long held that they must always be ready and on the alert but should never anticipate – it brings bad luck.

 

 

The sky strained to bear its burden of pregnant clouds, which drifted along and clung to the moun­tain peaks. It was odd. When you were in the middle of a cloud, you couldn’t see its shape; it was like moving through fog with­out seeing it. He was now climbing but was only con­scious of the im­mediate slope, which was densely covered with a va­riety of bamboo groves. A little later, he came to a wide plain car­peted with all sorts of tall trop­ical trees tied up in a tangle of vines and creepers.

Although he was not a professional hunter – he had fled from the village in order to avoid con­fronta­tion with certain people over certain events – his life deep in the mountains for the better part of a year spent for­aging for food had forced him to quickly learn how to make the best of the jungle. At the be­ginning of the rainy season, wild olives turned a ripe yellow and, on nights of heavy rain, they fell and scat­tered about on the ground, releasing a sweet, heady fragrance which enticed the bark­ing deer and made their mouths water. They took great pains part­­ing the thin pulp from the acid, as­tringent peel. Once they had swallowed, the saliva in their bulging jowls was exquisitely sweet. On those morn­ings, the ravenous deer would come out and lurk around the olives, and you had to find a tree to stalk them from for a fair shot.

He was now making his way through spongy, slimy soil. The cracking leaves of the dry season had gathered on the ground and were rotting, releasing musty scents on their way back to com­post and plain earth. Hunters preferred the rainy season. When they crept closer to their prey, they did not have to be as cautious as during the dry months. Then, they had to hold their breath and try to avoid the tiniest crack of dry leaf or snap of twig underfoot that would alert the animal. The air was torrid and the constant breeze car­ried the faintest smell, even the whiff of a wild rose. During the monsoon season, ripe fruit, bamboo shoots and young grass lured the animals to venture out of their prowling grounds. Ferment smells, light scents and the sustained babble of a brook covered up the approach of the hunter until he saw his target clearly and could pull the trigger certain that he would not miss.

On the flat ridge, he slowed down, cautious of where he put his feet, his eyes con­stantly on the look­out, sweeping left and then right to widen his field of vision. He was wary of the slightest shudder of leaves. If a hunter’s weapon is essential, so are a sharp sight and an ear sensitive to the mer­est noise.

As he trod past a bush full of wet leaves, he pushed aside a tangle of creep­ers and triggered a downpour of droplets from on high. His clothes were drenched. He was taking care that his weapon wouldn’t get wet and jam. With his left hand, he kept the muzzle pointed to the ground, and his right hand was wrapped around the breech, which protected the trigger and the caps.

 
Δ

 

A barking deer has the colour of a rus­set cow in the middle of a field, the size of an average Thai dog, the legs and snout of a deer, but horns only two to three inches long. Its meat is as good as that of a fully grown calf – better even, come to think of it, given the diffi­culty in coming by it. And it fills your stomach meal after meal, he thought with longing.

Oh, no! What a fool!” he groaned, con­fused and incensed at himself. Some hunter! He had come out meaning to shoot a deer, but had mindlessly loaded his rifle with pellets instead of buck­shot.

It looked as though the jungle had be­gun to change again and was breathing. In the dry sea­son, the leaves turned every nuance of vivid yellow and red, and the ground was strewn with ochre-coloured ones. Some trees lost all their foliage and bared all their branches and twigs, only to sprout pale-green buds, as if they had dis­carded old clothes to put on a new garb. From the outside and at a dis­tance, the nature of the change was difficult to assess; trekking through the jungle brought only perplexity. The flat expanse of the ridge, once bare, was now covered with ferns and wild grass which had crept down in a wide crescent. It had been raining on the track, and the leaves and plant growth had almost com­pletely erased it. The ferns, which disap­peared dur­ing the dry season, prolifer­ated as their newly sprouted fronds drank the dew above the ground. The fa­miliar jungle had changed more than he could recall.

From the walking time and thanks to some tall trees he remem­bered, he reckoned he would soon reach the moun­tain pass. The wide flat stretch of the ridge gradu­ally narrowed into a clearly de­fined crest. Right there stood a huge Indian rubber tree, whose trunk would have taken three or four men to girdle, next to a dead Siamese sindora tree, which leaned to the left and projected into the sky its black and rotten branches. On both sides of the crest, tiny rivulets burrowed down the slopes and turned into deep ravines fur­ther down. When he reached the spot where he had figured he would find his bearings, he saw that some branches of the sindora tree had fallen and lay over a tangle of crushed under­growth.

 

Δ

 

He chose a stub of rubber-tree roots to sit on and rest awhile. He leaned his gun against the trunk, pulled out his cloth belt and wiped the sweat off his face and arms. He got out his tobacco pouch, an old bag of saline solu­tion, and took a pinch of tobacco and a piece of dry banana leaf from it to roll himself a cigarette.

Luck, that’s what I need,” he mum­bled to himself. He slowly exhaled the smoke through his nostrils and gazed at the blan­ket of mist that smothered the trees in the distance. He had shot only one barking deer in his life. Highland cultivation of rice, corn, eggplant, gourds, cu­cumbers and chillies left him little leisure, except to hunt for birds, rats and squir­rels and to fish in the brook by the hut.

“The poor creature must have been blind,” his wife had said in jest as they helped each other cut up the barking deer.

“No way. Ex-pert-ise!” he had protest­ed solemnly.

“You bet.” His wife had looked at him teas­ingly. Her white, smooth cheeks shone and sweat glistened through the roots of her hair. She squat­ted on the floor, her sarong taught on her haunches. She held the knife firmly and sliced the meat in rhythmic strokes that made her full bosom shake.

“Well, if it weren’t for my expertise, how did you get a chance to hug and lull these two?”

“Silly man!” Her cheeks had taken on the colour of ripe euphorbia.

 

Δ

 

He stubbed out his cigarette and threw it away. Smil­ing to himself, think­ing of his two children, his own flesh and blood and fount of hope. Their innocent vi­tality led him to hug and play with them time and again, and he en­joyed himself so much he forgot his own worries, woes and weari­ness. They were grow­ing up, and had been eating rice with veg­etables for days, like cows or buffalo. Be pa­tient, little ones, just wait for dad.

A mysterious power swelled in his chest, promp­ting him to get up and grab his rifle. He climbed down a small water gully to his left leading to a tiny brook trapped in a ravine, broke through a thick grove with sharp thorns and leaves as large as palms and fought his way out to climb a hillock on the other side. The jungle was dark and gloomy as at dusk and the weather alarm­ingly cold. The wild olive tree was ahead.

He chose a thick bamboo grove to hide in. There was no wind. He had a clear view of the trunk of the olive tree and the ground around it. He could see noth­ing out of the or­dinary, no sudden movement. To wait pa­tiently is the duty of the hunter, who con­trols the situa­tion. Prepa­ration gave him superiority in terms of weaponry and lo­cation. He had to quell all tension and let his heart brim with hope and energy as he waited for the prey to move into the line of fire.

He had no idea how much time went by. Kept chang­ing his position, standing up and stretching, then crouching and looking around. His knee joints ached, spasms shook his thighs and pins and needles crept up to his calves. The driz­zling rain hissed on the leaves overhead. He gazed up and became fu­rious at the empty ground in front of him. His pa­tience at an end, he made up his mind, took a few hasty steps to the base of the olive tree and looked around but damn it! even old traces of the deer were not to be found.

“You sucker! Tough luck,” he growled at himself.

A web of small raindrops clung to his arms. Tiny gnats bit into his scalp under his damp hair, making him feel damn itchy. Their bite was toxic and some spots on his face would later turn into sores. This made him all the more upset. Today he should have stayed at home and cut down some bamboo stems and cleaved them into strips to plait baskets. Why did he have to trek the jun­gle, getting drenched for nearly half a day only to return empty-handed? But then, he had the excuse hunters ev­erywhere console them­selves with: the animal he was after wasn’t tied to a tree…

As he was shilly-shallying, wonder­ing what to do next, a squirrel called out from the bamboo grove in front of him. He was on to it in a jiffy. The smallish grey animal was racing up and down the stems, out of fright or sheer exulta­tion he couldn’t tell, its low-pitched calls re­sounding in the silence. He placed the barrel against the tree and held it there with his left hand so that it wouldn’t sway, opened the zinc bridge to expose the trigger and firmed up the butt against his shoulder. His left knee pressed against the tree to prevent his body from swerving as he stood on his taut right leg. The rifle’s sights were merely a cir­cular piece of iron stuck above the muz­zle. It wasn’t that easy to pull the trigger with the right in­dex and hit the tar­get. You had to wait for the prey to calm down and stay still.

He was lucky that he had loaded his rifle with pellets. Pellets are suitable for small targets, as they dis­perse over a wide area, whereas buckshot can tear off more than half of the body of a small an­imal. Even a little meat and some bones was better than nothing. Their fishy smell and sweet taste when boiled into a broth with some gourd would make it easy for the kids to gorge them­selves on rice un­til their bel­lies bulged.

The squirrel had calmed down and clung to a bam­boo stem, flicking its head hither and thither. He aimed the barrel at the bushy-tailed target. He had it well in his ri­fle’s sights, but as he held his breath and began to pull the trigger, the cooing of an imperial pi­geon re­sounded from the valley to his right and blew his concentration.

His rifle was still aimed at the tar­get, but the ex­pression in his eyes had changed. Squirrels are full of bones, and to make them palatable, you have to chop and pound them into tiny pieces. An imperial pigeon is almost as big as a fully grown chicken. Its breast is a big chunk of white meat and its taste far supe­rior to that of a squirrel. Stir-fried with lib­eral doses of salt and chilli and served with steam­ing hot rice… Or should he take care of this one first? The shot would wake up the whole jungle and send all of the animals scurrying.

“Lucky you,” he mumbled, with a nod to the squir­rel. He lowered the barrel and moved away from the tree in a crouch. He care­fully put his feet down sideways, the outer part of his soles supporting his body weight, and stealthily progressed towards the cooing.

There seemed to be more than one bird. After listening carefully, he could tell there must be two of them. He thought loosely of the parable of ‘killing two birds with one stone’, and hoped they’d be woo­ing and cooing next to each other in loving oblivion. The pellets would scatter in a wide cir­cle of thrusting steel and swiftly fell the birds. One would be fried with chillies, the other chopped into spicy minced meat. His eyes widened and his heart swelled in his chest.

Right there stood a banyan tree whose thick bushy leaves and dangling vines were a curtain for the rifle barrel and roving eyes of a hunter. He reached the shield of a cycas palm tree. The dark-brown birds hid some­where in a dim re­cess. He inspected the branches and twigs one by one as if he were count­ing the leaves. How could they possi­bly have escaped?

Suddenly, there was a fleeting motion and he was in­stantly aware of it. He strained his eyes to try and distinguish the birds from their hiding shadow, then raised the barrel high up and placed it in the fork of a palm. Just right! But what the h-- It was as if the Lord of the Jungle was playing tricks on him, for now came a high-pitched pek-pek call which echoed through­out the valley. The call of a barking deer!

He stopped to listen and knew roughly that it came from the high ridge in front of him. He smiled brightly. Delight prompted him to stride in the direction of the trunk of a banyan tree, the path which offered the best cover. Excitement made his heart pound and his chest expand. Joy made his blood course and his ears burn. He now had to choose: climb up to find the deer or entice it into the path of his rifle. In a fran­tic flapping of wings, the imperial pigeons fled in fright. He had completely forgot­ten about them: they did not have even half as much meat as a single leg of a barking deer.

Finally, he chose the trunk of the banyan tree as his place to wait.

The pek-pek call meant that it was a fe­male. A male’s bark is more raucous, some­thing like poak-poak. He plucked a young leaf and put it under his tongue. With the tightly pressed thumb and in­dex of each hand he stretched the corners of his mouth and blew through the leaf, producing a piercing peep-peep sound which was a con­vincing imitation of a fawn’s call.

A mother deer might think her fawn had got lost, and generosity, the common bond of all species, might also prompt a virgin female deer to come out. Experienced hunters, espe­cially the Hmong, often use this method, and it often works. Nothing can fool the heart to death more ef­fectively than the lure of caring love – a beautiful feeling uni­versally acknow­ledged, a chain wrought over time with myriad ties of gen­tle warmth. In moments such as these, alarm, suspicion, even the survival in­stinct are for­saken.

It seems cruel to use such a method, but what kind of hunter is it who will not use tricks and stratagems to lure the prey into a snare of death and in­stead will take time to ponder ‘Thou shalt not kill’ before trying his hand?

The faint sound of leaves being rent and munched and of wet twigs snapping on the ground came from way up there, gradually moving down and growing louder. He smiled widely and had to pre­vent himself from laugh­ing out loud – it was so unexpectedly easy. He grabbed his rifle, care­fully searched for a clear line of fire and aimed at the ap­proach­ing noise. Small bushes shook here and there in a row. He cocked the trig­ger, which clicked into place, and waited. When the russet colour came into view, he blocked his rifle against his shoulder and held the barrel firmly. He closed his left eye tightly, and with the right still saw the breast of the animal above the rifle’s sights.

The deer was as big as a fat Thai dog. He wonder­ed whether the small pellets would be powerful enough to down the owner of such de­licious meat. In his excitement, he had made a blunder, fail­ing to notice one of his feet rested on a rotten branch, and in the very sec­ond he began to worry, the branch broke. The deer swung its head up in fright. This was his last chance. His right index promptly pulled the trigger.

The gunshot ripped the silence and re­verber­ated endlessly throughout the jungle in hum­ming echoes that swirled around among the trees like rolling waves. A cur­tain of blue-grey smoke spread and blurred his vision. In the dif­fuse light, he saw the barking deer totter and col­lapse, only to leap up and dart for dear life back to the ridge.

He jumped out of his hiding place and ran as fast as he could after it, lest it should move out of sight. Heavy rains pummelling the mountain slope had made the earth soft and loose, and he slipped and lost his footing and tumbled time and again. When he finally reached the top of the ridge, he realized that his rifle was un­loaded and no more harmful than a stick. Signs of the deer’s injury were plain to see: the ferns it had trampled were crushed at ground level, and the slanted clumps of grass showed the way it had taken… Well, let’s see how good you are!

He carefully loaded his rifle with saltpetre, taking his time, then selected buck­shot. This time, he wasn’t going to miss.

 

 

 

2. in high spirits Δ

 

 

Where could it possibly escape to?” he said and smirk­ed. His eyes followed the track of bent clumps of grass and splotches of blood on the wet blades. He stood panting, tired, his face flushed with elation.

Given that he was now an owner intent on taking hold of his property after investing so much effort in the chase, he couldn’t allow any­thing to deflect him from his aim but had to go straight for what he was hankering for and then hold on to it. In this situation, his peerless su­periority gave him the upper hand. The ani­mal was injured, fleeing mindlessly, and fur­thermore it had no claws. The agility bestowed on it by nature to ensure its survival was now impaired, and the signs of its flight from death were in evidence all over the crushed leaves.

There was no time to stop and assess every­thing in sight. He left behind the concentra­tion, memory and ever-watchful eyes of the jun­gle trekker as he hastily strode along the trail.

From the ridge, he went down to a small wa­ter trough and skirted it upstream until he reached a mass of huge trees. The slanted wild grass still showed the path of flight. He held his rifle tightly and thought of juicy, tender meat and the smiles on his children’s ruddy cheeks as he cut across the flat, airy ridge. The sky above was wide but the ground was smothered with dwarfish bushes of smelly com­posite plants. His eyes searched for the trail hid amid the bushes. He drew his pocketknife out of its sheath and began to cut his way through. It looked like the injured animal was now smart enough to slow down his progress.

‘There should be a place where it collapsed and stayed to rest awhile.’ He began to get an­noyed at the thick wild bushes, which extended downward with no end in sight. ‘Or maybe it wasn’t wounded critically?’He’d hate to find him­self in a position of inferiority which would leave him to­tally hopeless.

Gathering his strength, he went about thrashing wildly at the composite bushes. The fresh trail of bloodstains which were stuck to their leaves encour­aged him to move ahead tirelessly. When he had extri­cat­ed himself from the maze of composites, he walked across a grove of wild banana trees and then skirted a teeny gur­gling brook which disappeared into a jumble of pinnate palm trees and ferns. The damp earth was covered with curly-tipped polypody and thick-fronded fern. The trail was still clear and cut right across the bushes of yet another ridge.

The certainty of possession and the way to secure it were his final goals, which washed away his weari­ness like rain sweeps away top­soil. Although his breathing was laboured and his throat gave out raspy grunts, his two legs still strode ahead firmly. How much time had gone by, how many brooks, how many ridges, he didn’t give it a thought.

The high ridge he now scaled bore a thick jumble of trees. Round fruits plated with sharp, thick spikes lay about on the ground over a wide area. The green leaves, twigs and branches of each tree stretched out and intertwined in a tight cluster which looked almost like a roof. Even the rays of the sun couldn’t seep through and reach down to fondle the ground, which grew only tiny grass and a few creepers. Vines as big as his arms clasped and coiled round the trunks, whose spotted bark had streaks of green moss. Climbers thrust up as high as they could.

He was panting heavily and his whole body was trem­bling. His eyes and rifle were search­ing for the trail, which had begun to fade. He felt suddenly dejected, but when he looked up, the russet-coloured creature was leaning against a tree in front of him at some distance. It too was panting out of exhaustion, its flanks heav­ing furiously, its ribs well out­lined.

The trigger was cocked with a click. Survival instinct made the animal swirl around. His hands were trembling and the barrel shook as he raised it to aim. A mere glimpse at him and the deer darted out at full speed. The failure made him fume as he carefully released the pressure on the trigger and went staggering after his prey.

“You bitch!” he growled, jaws clenched.

Injured animals usually choose to escape by cut­ting across a ridge and romping down some ravine instead of stampeding along the crest. Pursuit de­mands much energy from the hunter, who may end up with disjointed knees. Clam­bering down the squishy, slippery slope made him lose his footing and stumble, and he had to grab at tree trunks and branches to recover his balance. His legs wobbled and pain tore at his ankles. He awkwardly tried to prevent the muzzle of his rifle from getting stuck in the ground but it wasn’t long before the barrel was clogged with mud.

The slippery slope led to a large stream whose tur­bid wa­ter rumbled forth and crashed against rocks and pebbles on both banks, with beds of gravel and stone stretched out in a wide crescent. The trail was definitely lost. The weight of an animal of that size isn’t enough to leave marks or im­prints, except in the dry season, when a prey coming out of the water onto the scorched rocks would leave behind tell­tale drops. But in times of downpour or driz­zle like now, every­thing is wet and there are no such clues.

He stared wild-eyed like a lunatic, took a few steps, bent down and searched hither and thither as though sniffing the ground, dashed into the water and waded across to the other bank, where he rushed madly about for a long while, before crossing over again empty-handed. He let himself slump to the ground and stretched out his legs, exhausted, then looked up resentfully at the drizzling rain.

“You asshole!” he cursed himself at the top of his voice, completely drowning the rumble of the stream. The moun­tain jungle answered back “asshole”, “ass­hole” in gradually fading whis­pers.

“Get lost!” he shouted again. To be insulted back was unbearable. He tucked his head be­tween his knees and pressed both of his arms tightly against the back of his skull.

His total stillness, which made him akin to the rocks nearby, was shattered when the rain suddenly poured down in a thick curtain. Raindrops slapped against his nape with a sting. Herds of low, black clouds rolled in fast and thick, almost scraping the treetops on the ridge. Shivering, he stood up and looked for some kind of cover. At the very least, his rifle shouldn’t get soaked. One bank was carved off a steep cliff, with a boulder overhanging the stream and a cavity deep enough to take shelter in.

The rain was thrashing down furiously, adding its din to the roar of the current against the rocks. Tree­tops, branches and leaves swayed and shivered in the blurry curtain of rain. Tiny grooves formed down the ridge as water washed off topsoil, rotten leaves and rubbish in thick, tur­bid flows that crashed into the rocky stream and turned it the colour of mud, as if discarding shattered hopes.

 

Δ

 

How long was it since he had left home? The thought came to him for the first time. How weird! His stomach hadn’t com­plained for food. By now, it must be noon or well past noon, judging by the aches in his legs and cramps in his calves due to the trekking. He couldn’t tell anything from the sky, which was dark and mean like a mantle of gloom. The cold made his arms shiver and his teeth chatter uncon­trollably. The rain pummelled down with no end in sight. He took a pinch of tobacco from his pouch and rolled himself a cigarette, then stood against the rocky cliff, arms folded across his chest, watching the stream swell up alarmingly fast. He slowly exhaled coils of smoke which melted in the air.

And where am I anyway?” he mumbled to him­self. His eyes swept in all directions in search of some familiar land­mark, but nothing triggered his memory. He tried to figure out where he was, frowning in concentration until his eye­brows touched, but to no avail. There was nothing that could tell him which direction was which, and he began to feel anxious.

“Come off it: no real hunter is scared of get­ting lost in the jungle,” he said with a forced smile to quell the unusual feeling growing within him. Finding his way back wouldn’t be easy. The rain didn’t look like let­ting up, time was creeping by ever so slowly, his body had lost much of its energy, and the path he had cut wasn’t exactly a public thoroughfare. He’d have to look for a way back. Whether he’d be able to return home before nightfall became a matter of real worry. As he stood there waiting, there was nothing better for him to do than to feed his stomach in order to recover some strength, so he took out the packet of rice and began to eat.

‘What a lousy day this is!’ he thought rue­fully. Anger constricted his throat and he found it difficult to swallow his rice. His wife would make a fuss of welcoming him back and he’d have to put on a brave face to hide his dis­appoint­ment in order to make her happy, and his peeved kids would have to keep surviving on tasteless gourd broth for a while longer.

To hell if the sky didn’t play tricks on him! As he was about to shoot the squirrel, the impe­rial pigeon had offered itself instead, only to have the barking deer make a pathetic fool out of him, and he had wasted all this time like a cretin cutting across the jungle and taking cover from the rain.

It looked as though the wind was rising. He could see the treetops swaying and bending over. Rain clouds were being swiftly swept out of the gloomy sky. Before long, the rain began to relent. The water in the rocky stream kept ris­ing and overflowing in a thunder­ous uproar which resounded throughout the jungle.

He came out of his shelter and looked for the place he wanted to reach and then down. It wouldn’t be easy. The thrashing rain had completely erased the trail he had made as he had slipped and tumbled. No matter what, he had to find his way back up to the ridge that he remembered was crowded with huge trees and had round, spiky fruits strewn all over the ground; from there he could work his way back. The slope he was climbing made him wonder. The ridge looked incredibly steep: he doubted he had clamber­ed down this way.

Or was it that hopelessness made him see every­thing out of utter exhaustion? The myste­rious power that had made him stride about in earnest was now well and truly gone, as was his sense of ownership, and the strong expectation he had been unable to control had given way in his heart to over­­whelming sorrow.

“I shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of life. I should’ve been a teacher, but you poor bas­tard you…” he mumbled to himself, disheart­ened.

The forest looked totally unfamiliar. It was raining heav­ily again. The clumps of grass were trampled and he could no longer see the trail of the flee­ing deer or his own in hot pursuit. The rains turned the jungle the same dark green in a wild smoth­ering of plants which made old landmarks disappear almost without trace.

“There must be a way, there must be.” He stuck out his tongue to lick his dry lips and let his eyes wander about idly as he tried to rekin­dle his memory. He could only recall that he had crossed the ridge down to a brook, up an­other steep slope and then down through the ravine to the stream. At times, he had fought his way through thick growth, but he had no idea where he was then. He had been so concern­ed with catching his prey, so taken up with his own elation that he had forgotten to spot landmarks when­­ever he had gone up or down or changed his course.

“Take it easy, calm down,” he tried to tell himself as he slowly climbed along the ridge. The jungle was still dark and dense. Dewdrops on branches and leaves kept falling on his head and shoulders, an­noy­ing him. There was one spot he had to find, though, where he had used his knife to cut his way through bushes of composites. No matter how much rain had poured out of the sky since then, the slashes of his blade wouldn’t have disap­peared.

He decided to go down the mountain slope to his left and fight his way through a maze of tall wild grass flattened by the rain. Then he came to a wide expanse of thick clusters of bam­boo and wandered among them for a very long time but still couldn’t find a way out. Was he walking around in circles? A pang of fear sent tremors through his mind. He drew his knife and made notches on bamboo stems as he started in a new direction. This time, he chose to go down the slope. A long while later, he came out of the bamboo clumps onto a stretch of pinnate palm trees and feathery ferns. He had a vague recollection of seeing something like this before. His brain was so tense he couldn’t think straight anymore. Again, he wandered this way and that for a long while, his usual quick tem­per building up in his ch­est. He was about to open his mouth to let off some steam when he noticed a small stream cascading by in front of him. The tension in his eyes subsided.

He went straight to the brook, scooped up some water to drink and wash the film of sweat off his face and neck, then decided to scale the high ridge ahead. Travelling back in a state of hopelessness, with a mind burdened with fright, made distances appear to stretch end­lessly. So much time wasted, so much energy dissipated, and not a trace of the target he had set out to hunt. Anxiety weighed down his feet and made each step a drag.

Amid the thick, wild growth on the ridge, he hesitated, in search of the trail again. How screwed up can you be! He hadn’t taken any no­tice of large trees, logs or any other landmarks of the jungle. He looked up at the sky, which was still over­cast. There was nothing to reckon on, nothing that could help him find his bear­ings. He was an insignifi­cant speck of a man in the vast embrace of the jungle. The deathly si­lence and dreary atmosphere made his hair stand on end and forced him to amble to and fro until he decided to go back down the steep slope to the stream. After a long while, he found himself amid bamboo groves and walked through them for some time until he noticed a freshly cut notch on a stem. His knees gave in and he let himself down and sat on the ground.

“Am I really lost?” he moaned hoarsely. His whole body and clothes were drenched in a mix­ture of rain and sweat.

He remembered some advice he had come by on previous jungle treks: if you get lost, stop walking or you might get further astray or just go round in circles, wasting precious time and energy; take a rest and think calmly to find a solu­tion – there is always a way out.

Actually, this part of the jungle wasn’t re­ally very far from fields and plantations and quite a few people came out to till their land. He should be able to meet someone or at the very least find traces of a human presence, such as an old campfire, signs of cooking or some tem­porary shelter. Every­one knows that, on nights of heavy rain, the animals come out roaming about for food, and that’s the right time for hunting them. If the worst comes to the worst, there are plenty of mushrooms popping up all around bamboo groves, and so many bam­boo shoots sprouting off the ground that you can’t collect them all.

“There must be someone.” Hope lit up his eyes.

Those who earn their living from high­land farm­ing and jungle hunting have weather-beaten skins, grow hands and feet as calloused as bear’s paws, and are more afraid of hunger pangs than of rainstorms or jungle ghosts. With such an op­por­tu­ni­ty for game hunting, who among them would confine themselves be­tween the thatched walls of their huts for fear of catching cold?

There must be someone who could help him.

But how should he go about starting to search for people? Old fires, rough shelters, he hadn’t found any on his way, not even some rotting poles of former huts. Or could it be that the area was too deep inside the jungle for anyone to settle down in? Surely not. These days, almost every nook and cranny of the jungle was being tres­passed, and there wasn’t a secret left anywhere. Then he thought of something, raised his ri­fle, aimed at the sky and pulled the trigger.

The explosion ricocheted throughout the mountain in ever weakening echoes that drifted far away. He hoped it would reach someone’s ears. He followed this up with a yell so loud and shrill that his ear­drums throbbed and his throat hurt.

“Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!”

As he was reloading his rifle, an answer echoed back – an eerily sluggish ululation jar­ring to the ear like the howl­ing of a wolf in the dead of night.

 

 

 

3. a rude awakening Δ

 

 

True, he was no professional hunter, but he was be­hav­­ing as a complete moron scared of losing his way in the jungle. The fear he felt was unwarranted. It wasn’t as if he had never got lost in the jungle before. He wor­ried too much about the impending darkness. Hadn’t he ever stayed overnight deep in the jungle? It was simple enough: find a flat area, cut down two small trees with forked trunks, turn them into poles and stick them into the ground some four yards apart. Cut and trim a bamboo stem and place it as a beam between the two forks. For rafters, use straight pieces of wood with one end on the ground, the other fas­tened to the beam; cover them with overlapping banana leaves and you have a roof. There are usually plenty of tall, thin, thorn-less bam­boo stems around to make a platform on which to lie down. A slapdash shelter like this would protect you well enough from dew or rain. Gather some dry hard­wood and bamboo twigs to build a fire so as to keep away the cold, mosquitoes and gnats as well as animals with fangs or tusks.

There was nothing to be so worked up about, really.

If only he had some uncooked rice, he’d cut down a thorn-less, hollow bamboo stem less than a year old – of the kind that still had crispy sheaths around its top joints – and use it instead of a pot to boil water and parboil the rice. Then he’d cut a two-node section off another stalk, carve out the inner fibre of the top joint to make a hollow con­tainer and fill about one third of it with wa­ter; plait bamboo strips into a tiny grid and in­sert it about half way up; pour the already par­boiled rice on top of the grid, and place the make­shift container so that the fire burnt its lower section and boiled the water in­side. After some time, the smell of steaming rice and burn­ing wood would make your mouth water. Indeed, it wasn’t necessary to rely on a rice pot at all. Now, however, he had no rice, either cooked or uncooked, but why worry about going without it for a meal or two: the sweet, crisp cores of some palm trees or reed sprouts cooked beneath fra­grant embers would be enough to stay his hunger.

He compressed saltpetre into the muzzle, added a single lead buckshot and some dry tow, which he pounded again to make sure it was tightly packed. Felt better as he insert­ed a cap into the slit on one side of the trigger, then slowly pulled the cock down until it rested on the cap and flipped the zinc breech shut to pre­vent the load from getting damp.

“You can sleep anywhere when it gets dark, you know,” he told himself to firm up his mind. He held the rifle in the hook of his right arm and pressed it tightly against his chest as he started to walk. It was drizzling lightly again but the rain no longer seemed to scare him. His eyes were roving about, figuring out the way ahead.

“Come on, give us all you’ve got,” he mum­bled defi­antly as he gazed up. Deep down, he felt that if he had to spend the night in the jungle and the rain kept pouring, by morn­ing the sky should be clear enough for him to spot the sun, and then he could head south and it wouldn’t be long before he came to some field or plantation.

Tiny black gnats, which usually plague the eyes of ani­mals, were now buzzing round his head and often threw themselves at his eyelids. Annoyed, he tried to whisk them away repeatedly but the stubborn crea­tures wouldn’t leave him alone, so in the end he let them enjoy themselves and keep him company. Their buzz brought some solace to his solitary soul.

Rotten leaves had piled thickly in deep, damp, musty troughs, whose sandy soil was so soft and spongy it sank when he stepped on it. Various kinds of ferns spread wildly above the ground. Their fronds, long and sharp as knife blades, were festooned with small leaves of the bright­est green. Bunches of poly­podies, vines and creepers intertwined in messy tangles below a smattering of tall trees with large, palm-like leaves. He suddenly noticed small brown creatures slightly bigger than matches, which stretch­ed their boneless bodies and projected their heads towards whatever came near. They could find their way unerringly even though they had no eyes, as if they had su­pernatural vision focused on their prey. Their dark-brown bodies were soft and springy and had lots of pale-yellow stripes running from end to end. Their craving for blood made them quiver and crawl towards their target from all di­rections.

 

Δ

 

Oh, shit! I’ve strayed into a leech area,” he shouted as he rolled his trousers up to his knees. He took a pinch of his sticky, pungent tobacco, spit on it and rubbed it until dark juice came out, then stalked hastily away from the damn place. Some of the crea­tures had glued their sucking heads into his calves, which he rubbed with tobacco juice to get them drunk; they curled up and dropped off. The way they crawled and stuck their suck­ers up by the hundreds was re­volting. If he ignored them and let them cling and draw his blood out, they’d suck until they ballooned and became so weak they had to let go. They left be­­­hind a sub­stance that made the spot haemor­rhage and to stop the bleeding wasn’t easy.

A good thing these aren’t green leeches!” he mumbled to himself. “Them mothers would crawl up to my head and ears.”

Green leeches love to creep as high as they can and before you are aware of anything, they have slipped under your eyelids or glued themselves to your gums. Some people who witnessed such viciousness said the victim wouldn’t feel a thing until he smiled and they could see the creepy green slug stick­ing out above his teeth. More often, they crawl their way up your trouser legs and bite your private parts, suck your blood on the sly until they are bloated and leave the wound bleeding nonstop. You are soaked in blood from the crotch down and look like you are menstruating.

It’s weird how these bloodsuckers go on living with­out any inkling of how long it will be until they can gorge them­selves again. Amazingly, they disap­pear during the dry season, when huge forest fires spread in raging floods of flames that scorch every­thing in their path and leave the earth thoroughly charred. How do these leeches manage to hide them­selves so well that they proliferate again come the next rains?

 

Δ

 

Unable to stand the loathing that made his flesh creep, he hurried up the hill again. As he was battling his way through arches of rattan, he could hear a flock of birds squawking in alarm nearby. He gently shifted his rifle in his hand. His fight­ing spirit had returned. He hadn’t quite broken through the rattan when the birds took off in fright. He looked up at the treetops and saw brown-and-black birds with starkly white crests and throats flying across the sky and out of sight.

Hey, these are laughing thrushes… Maybe there’s some­one up there,” he said and hurried on, his eyes still roving.

“Yoo-hoo!” he yelled to signal his presence. If there were other people around, they would wait and wouldn’t mistake his crashing course through the bushes for the approach of a wild boar.

Laughing thrushes of all types sound the alarm to warn other animals that something unusual is hap­pen­ing some­where in the vast expanse of the jungle, like sentries on look­out. Some Hmong refugees who had once come by his place on their way north to the watershed that marks the border had told him a funny tale about laughing thrushes.

Once upon a time, the Yangtze and Mekong rivers were husband and wife, and both of them had to travel to the sea to find a magic pearl to be presented to the God of the Mountains. The Yangtze was a male, so he could travel fast, but as his path went through a maze of mountains, he left first after agreeing to meet the Mekong at a certain place. When he reached that place, however, he had forgotten about the meeting and just sped on his way. The Mekong river came later but couldn’t find him at the agreed meet. The only creature she could see was a white-crested thrush perched on a branch, so she quizzed it and learned that in­deed the Yang-tze had come by but hadn’t stopped. She asked how long ago this was, and the bird replied with a straight beak, “Just think: my crest was pitch black then but now, as you can see, it’s turned all white.” Upon hearing this, the Me­kong felt deeply slighted, so she turned round and flowed straight south instead, and this is why the two rivers have been ignoring each other ever since…

Those damn birds may well be fooling him as they had the Mekong. The narrow ridge wore a layer of low, thick shrubs of flax stitched with reams of creepers. For all his careful watch, he could see no sign of any living thing. His eyes slowed their search. The atmosphere was depressed, the air nippy, and it was so quiet he could hear his own breathing. He felt rejected, and he broke away down the left slope. A large log had fallen at the bottom. Time had peeled its bark off and turned its wood a deep black. As he was climbing over it, he no­ticed a series of white scratches on the wood.

The scratches, so deep the wood had splinter­ed, could only have been made by tremend­ous­ly power­ful and very sharp claws. He bent down to look at the slivers scattered on the ground and saw footprints on the soft soil. There were plenty of them about, each with four heavy imprints set in a circle the size of a small soup bowl. The animal must be as big as a calf.

“A tiger!”

 

Δ

 

His voice was hoarse and as weak as a whisper. He hastily retreated to the shrubs of flax and stood thigh-deep in them, holding his rifle at the ready. The marks were so recent the raindrops had yet to dam­pen the wood inside them. Perhaps his shout had made the tiger flee in panic or else alerted it to his presence and it had gone into hiding to get ready to pounce on him and shred him to pieces as it had the wood.

He turned pale and then purplish. Beads of pers­pi­ra­tion sprouted all over his forehead. His lips shiver­ed uncontrollably. His heart was beating so wildly it seemed to be about to leap out of his chest. He had the spooky feeling a pair of eyes were watching him, and his own eyes bulged and goggled frantically about. He backtracked quickly to the middle of the hillock, then turned round and darted out for dear life, running, leaping, swerving to avoid the trees. From the hilltop, he rushed down a ravine and then clam­bered up a ridge again. Abject fear had swiftly overtaken him and there was no room for anything else in his mind right now. He panted heavily but the rasp of his lungs was drowned out by the pounding of his heart.

In the middle of yet another ridge, he forced him­self to move more slowly, grappling to control his panic. He had drawn out all of his energy in one des­perate flight for sur­vival. His knee joints, his whole legs, were stiff as logs. He was gasping for air, his lungs heav­ing in spasms, his ribs a tight cage. He used his hands to lean on a large Indian rubber tree then let himself collapse to the ground. He had rolled up his trousers above his knees and both of his exposed shins were covered with scratches and long gashes inflicted by thorns, and blood was oozing from most of them.

His breathing gradually eased and he stood up again, his bulging eyes still looking left and right. He pressed himself against the tree trunk as if to melt into it. He had only seen footprints, yet danger could be lurking any­where. Every­thing was still. He soon felt his body was getting so big that the trunk, which three persons would have been hard put to be­gird, was no longer large enough to protect him.

He had no idea when it had stopped driz­zling. He felt ter­ribly cold, as if he was running a fever. Dull pain shot through his legs from his shins, his knee joints hardly bent and he had to drag his feet every step of the way. Going for broke this time had ripped his body and clothes to tatters and left him with the mere dregs of life.

Oh no, it couldn’t be! In the narrow water trough further down, he found more footprints. Was he being hunted or was he just walking into them?

No time to examine how old the footprints were and whether they pointed up or down. He just turned round as if his brain had switched to automatic, and broke into a limping lope, dragging his pathetic legs across the ridge to the wide depression on the other side, to get as far away as he could from these terrible signs of danger. His teeth were clenched to breaking point, his saliva had long dried and his throat was parched. He kept moving until he came to a steep ravine and let himself tumble down to the small brook below, hectically scooped up water in his hands and drank so greedily it splashed all over his face and into his nose.

On the other side of the brook were more tiger footprints…

I’ll be damned! Was it actually blocking his ways of escape? What kind of unearthly creature was it that could outguess his every move? Or had his sins from some former life caught up with him? His brain was so confused it couldn’t hold on to anything. Fear over­came him so thor­oughly it seemed to be about to pour out of his mouth, nose, ears and even hair, and fear was ordering him to get the hell back up! He struggled painfully up the high, steep bank back to the flat expanse, where he finally sat down, banging his back against the trunk of a large tree, and he stayed there, legs stretched out, arms limp by his sides as if his bones had melted. The rifle on his lap seemed to have lost all power to harm, as if he himself was about to give in to his fate.

The sky was rapidly growing dark. How odd! The insects of the night were not unfurling their wings to lull the jungle to sleep. What a depressing, gloomy day it had been! Darkness devoured the jungle and it was soon pitch black. It was now beyond doubt that he had to stay overnight in the jungle. His idea of building a shelter, a platform and a fire had com­pletely gone out of his mind.

Time passed and everything fell silent as it did every night. His body began to recover. After a period of rest and of deep breathing to relax his lungs, he felt his strength com­ing back. His legs were no longer as numb, a spark of hope had returned to his eyes, and he was holding his ri­fle firmly, ready to shoot at any time.

He mustn’t die in a place like this, alone in the middle of the deep, desolate, scary jungle. Who would witness his death? Besides, his wife and children were still waiting for him.

His children… It was as if his loving care for them was just the lure that may yet fool his heart to death. If he had stepped out of his home, it was because of his two kids, for no bet­ter reason than they were his own flesh and blood and he had to take care of them – and of his wife as well, who had once been a stranger to him, living in another village. They had become lovers and he had to take responsibility for the ties that ensued and bear all consequences. It was indeed be­cause of his wife that he had had to leave his own village. She lived in a vil­lage some six miles away from his own. He had met her at a merit- making cere­mony and had fallen in love with her. He had arranged to meet her through young guys he knew in her village and finally had married her. One day, a buf­falo in his village disap­peared and his friends in her village were ar­rested and the buf­falo was recovered. He was taken for interrogation be­cause of his friendship with the young men. Even though there was no evidence against him, quite a few of the vil­lagers were convinced he had been involved in the theft and would have nothing to do with him any longer. The village headman black­listed him as a hoodlum, although he had never harmed anyone. He had once been or­dained over Lent, was neither rude nor rough and knew right from wrong, even though he wasn’t par­ticularly religious. There was only his curt, harsh way of talking and his reputation for be­ing a smart ass that the villagers could hold against him, which they did, and it got to the point where he could no longer stand the distrust of the people around him.

 

Δ

 

Whoaah!” A mighty roar pierced the silence. It was at once exultant, dom­inating and oppressive. Its sheer vol­ume star­tled the jungle into subservience and its rever­bera­tion ended brusquely, like a procla­ma­tion of superiority, absolute power and almight­iness, forcing every creature to grovel on the ground.

He had no idea where the roar came from, how far or near it was, yet it seemed to be com­ing from all directions at once. He had the dis­tinct impression it was so close that his ear­-drums throbbed, as if some­one was breathing warm air down the nape of his neck. His heart probably missed a few beats. Terror pro­pelled him to the nearest, cubit-thick tree and, slinging his rifle over his back, he scrambled up all the way to the very top. Gasping, he sat astride the tallest fork and hid in the cover of darkness. He began to breathe deeply to recover his senses.

He had been hounded and didn’t even have some ground to set his foot on. Down there, it looked like death had swal­lowed everything. The only safe place for him was these forked branches that thrust up into emptiness.

He had been hou